Butts, Snarks, and Old Moviestars
Posted on | March 25, 2007 |
My mom and I have these really long phone conversations that cause my arm to go to sleep and fingers to tingle for long periods of time afterward. If anyone actually tried to follow our conversations, they would be certain that we are crazy people. Sentences are rarely finished, or, even better, one of us finishes the other’s sentence as a transition to a completely different topic — an illegal merge that we get away with routinely.
Mom: You got to sleep in today.
Me: Yah, until 9.
Mom: Good because of yesterday.
Me: Oh, yah, you read my blog on…
Mom: Al Gore invented the Internet?
Me: No. It was a joke. When he was running for President, people said that he said he invented the Internet.
Mom: Who did?
Me: What?
Mom: Invent the Internet.
Me: I think the military had something to do with it way back during WWII. I think Heddy Lamar is connected to some of the technology somehow. (Okay, well maybe not as far back as WWII)
Mom: Really? Oh, because she was a pin-up girl. (Wasn’t that Betty Grable?)
Me: No, I think she was a spy or something. She was really smart. (Well, cell phones and not the Internet, but they’re sort of merged now, right?)
What more could I ask for on a Sunday morning. MoH has to go to work again, yes AGAIN, it’s grey outside again, so it makes me less than enthused about planting the flowers I ventured out to purchase yesterday, and well, look. I’m sitting here writing in this thing again. Plus, I’ve forced myself to take a look at some of the public blathering that’s going on about Al Gore returning to Washington and that has been completely entertaining.
Here’s my Blathernalysis: Ann Coulter thinks Al Gore is hot now that he’s more hunky looking. I’m thinking she’d actually like to hook up with him — you only have to read between the lines to figure it out.
Although it will most likely be different by the time you read this, the advertising was perfect in each of the pieces I read this morning. Someone at Yahoo! is absolutely having way too much fun. Robert Tracinski’s piece dated 3/23, “What does Al Gore really want?” is accompanied by an advertisement that states, “Fight Stubborn Cellulite” and “Give yourself an extra edge,” above and below a shapely, but clad set of buttocks. Is someone thinking Al Gore needs to improve his edge? And who would really believe that the way to improve your edge generally is to use butt cream? A butt model? No, wait, A Butt Head.
Then, if you segue to “The Coming Ass Age,” by snarkette Ann Coulter in Yahoo! News dated 3/21, where her biggest point seems to be that Al Gore’s size has grown, and that his footprints are as deep as Janet Reno’s, I’m thinking that pretty much clenches it. She thinks he’s one hot tamale. She wants him. The advertising accompanying her piece states, “Look Younger from Any Angle,” and “Rollover Me.” I get it. If she uses the cream on her face (Butt Face), then she’ll look younger from any angle after everyone’s Oops karma has run over her snarky dogma. Bah-hahahahaha. Snort. Snort.
Everyone needs to get a grip because they have all lost touch with reality. If Ann Coulter really thought about it, she’d probably enjoy more meat on her carcass. I think she should take some time to listen to Joy Nash discuss weight. It’s worth listening to her because she just tells it like it is and does it with eloquence — well my kind of eloquence. Go ahead. Check it out. I’m debating whether to adopt her attitude instead of feeling guilty on this Sunday morning for making that mustard wine sauce reduction with heavy cream last night. It was so yummy.
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4 Responses to “Butts, Snarks, and Old Moviestars”
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Translator
By N2H
March 26th, 2007 @ 2:59 am
[…] Blog Posts Butts, Snarks, and Old Moviestars (Wasn?t that Betty Grable?) Me: No, I think she was a spy or something. She was really smart. […]
March 26th, 2007 @ 2:52 pm
Hahahahaha! LOL and all that. Where did you get the Hedy Lamar cover? Is it real? She was beautiful. Boy, your mom didn’t take after you! She’s not informed. How does that feel? O, and who are all those people you mention. Does this mean that I am not informed either. Oh well, you are a good teacher. I might look up some of the names you dropped. Keep em coming!!
March 26th, 2007 @ 2:53 pm
right back atcha
March 26th, 2007 @ 5:10 pm
Hey gramster, Look on Yahoo! News. You get to choose your own crap to read in the morning. And yes, it’s a real cover. Check out the link on the Celebrity patents. She’s in there.