DIY Home Sale Unwrapped
Good news for those of you seriously interested in the Paradise real estate market. You have heard it’s a buyers market, right? What that means to everyone is that you can assume sellers have gazoodles of equity in their homes, and you can casually expect them to knock a 100K or more off the sale price of their old homestead. It means that after months on the market — months — and only 5 offers have fallen through because your real estate professional couldn’t manage to get them off the table, that you have reached desperate measures.
The free labor family mules have come and gone, the stager lady has cute-si-fied the place to help dim-witted dorks prospective buyers focus on things like super glued window valences, or a small pot of fake flowers instead of things like square footage, tile, and fireplaces. It’s dusted and polished and ready to go back on the market with a new and even lower asking price during the Grand New Re-Opening Open House. Everything’s lookin’ swanky. But then The Woodster, professional realtor that he is, says, “What about the rope?”
“Uh…What rope?”
“You know. The one hanging in the pool area. Somebody needs to cut it down.”
And the stager lady says, “And can you dust off the skylites while you’re up there?”
You’re desperate to sell your hacienda. You’re so desperate, you would do anything. Anything…
But what do you know? You aren’t the professional. And The Woodster is, so the rope must have done the trick.
Less than one week later, an offer is in, escrow is open, and the soon to be new owner of your old homestead in East Paradise McNeighborhood Gated Community has said, “I thank God for this blessing,” and has asked The Woodster to communicate her thanks to your family, and its mules.
So the moral to this story is, when in doubt — cut the rope.
1earlene
wrote on 29 April 2007 at 21:45
Whoa! Did you change names to protect the innocent? Who knew a rope would affect people that much unless they were about to be hung. the desperate HO looked as though she was having fun. The person filming certainly did.
2earlene
wrote on 29 April 2007 at 21:46
what is up with the clock? It confuses us old people.
3DiamondVVV1
wrote on 29 April 2007 at 23:31
Hilarious!! Takes women with ingenuity to get things done!! I am still laughing…….:)
4kellypea
wrote on 30 April 2007 at 4:51
Desperate HO? Snort! Ummm…I dunno about the rest. The time is set somewhere else — I think 6 hours or so different. Maybe 8.
5kellypea
wrote on 30 April 2007 at 5:14
Hey Diamond VVV1 — Yah, it makes me laugh, too. What a couple of cornballs — but you’re right. They kick butt and take names on a regular basis!
6loripea
wrote on 30 April 2007 at 13:35
Thanks for the link. No call from Leno yet. It kills me everytime i see it. Gma is the best part with all that hooting. It reminds me of Johnny and Ed in female form.
7kellypea
wrote on 30 April 2007 at 15:50
Yah, we’re pretty easy to please, huh? I crack myself up, too. Dunno. Maybe you could have a business on filming people who are trying to sell their houses and have to do stoopid things. You are going to make more, right?
8Ritzy
wrote on 30 April 2007 at 18:05
Seems like one of those moments where you’d say, “Geez, I wish I had a camera for this!” And look - you did! Funny stuff! It would be been icing on the cake if she had taken a plunge into the pool after cutting the rope. Glad to see you enjoyed yourselves despite the muling efforts all weekend - at least it paid off and memories were made!