Today was my Phoodplan weigh-in and the results were not a surprise. It’s amazing how quickly Tuesday comes each week, and how soon after a weekend that begins early on Thursday night for those of us who live to eat. It lowers you back to Earth. And Earth has a scale named Thinner who I’ve decided is a royal bitch. The only thing she doesn’t do is scream at me in a nasally twang, “You pig — what in Hell have you been eating?”  Oh wait, no.  That was Alex Baldwin.  Well, someone has to be blamed for my hovering around the 180 mark, but not really going below it. It can’t possibly be that:

1. I only exercised once in the last five days;
2. I inhaled absolutely fabulous Bangers & Mash at the pub on Sunday;
3. I sucked down two different malty creamy beers on Sunday;
4. I had three pieces of less than average tasting and cold pizza on Sunday also; wait. Three? No, one for breakfast, and one for a late night snack. So, two pieces of pizza;
5. I savored a small bowl of ice cream on both Sunday and Monday. Okay, so the late night snack was really dinner after the lunch at the pub, and the ice cream was dessert. With chocolate syrup. Both nights;
6. And, Pop Tarts. Mmmm…Cinnamon Pop Tarts. I can’t explain it, but I LOVE Pop Tarts. Right. Out. Of. The. Foil. Yum.

No, I’m not getting on my knees and doing that say my Hail Marys three times crap. I don’t need to because the Thinner Bitch has already knocked me to my knees again. She’s good at it. I can’t pull one on her. But you know? The Slim Fast I’ve been drinking at lunch helps keep things down a bit. I’m sure that’s classified as cheating in some book somewhere, but who cares. Mmmm…Bangers, Mash, & Beer. With hot mustard and horseradish. Whoa. Totally worth it. And the Slim Fast isn’t that disgusting if I pour it over ice.

Honestly, I do stay with my grain cereal and some kind of fruit each morning (except the pizza morning). And I’m great with fruit/veggie snacks, too. Oh, and yes, I am still doing pretty well on serving sizes, too. So, I guess I keep plugging along, get off my ample derriere and get in those exercise days. Like using my weights while I’m watching TV — which I don’t watch very much of. Or, do sit-ups at some point during the day which I can actually do again. Amazing! Only four months post surgery and my abdominal muscles are strong enough to squeeze about 30 in before I collapse in a cramping flat mess on the floor. But 30! Not bad, huh? Now if I could only get rid of the pooch. Later on that one.

Someone needs to invent a pedal device that allows mouse potatoes like me to burn a few calories while they’re blogging — or moving files using my new FTP client which is what I’m doing today. Actually, if someone could just figure out how using one’s brain could burn a few calories, that would be totally perfect.

Can somebody get right on that, please? Cinco de Mayo is on the horizon this week, and well, that means Mexican food and beer or margaritas even though I’m sure someone out there will have some reason to complain about stoopid Americans not recognizing the importance of the date. Whatever. Just suck on a lime after that whine. You’ll feel much better.

Anyone got any great new salsa recipes? Woo Hoo!

But don’t forget to stock up on the Slim-Fast. It comes in handy.