Lard AssOkay,
consistently invariably predictably not being one to shirk my responsibilities, I’ve decided to resort to guerrilla tactics with respect to the phoodplan. I was visiting Deb at
Confessions of a Jersey Girl, and she’s got a great photo of Ricky Lake sans about 125 pounds.
HALF of her is gone.
HALF. And I
can’t,
am struggling to lose,
seriously working myself to pieces, am dorking around and not very serious about losing 50 of my own lubs. And 50 lubs isn’t even close to half of me. I could probably drop 10 in a snap by lopping off one of my glutes. So that just means I seriously suck at the phoodplan — am just a veritable
LOSER. Well, not in this case, actually. Because I’d weigh less. But still.
Yes I weighed in yesterday.
Yes, my Thinner scale is still a snarky bitchface for not gracing me with even a .5 lub loss.
No, I didn’t lose any of my lubs.
Yes, I know I have to actually move away from my Mac — my computer, not my hamburger — to do this, but have moved my weights upstairs to use when Flickr is done taking freaking forever to upload my artful and unique photos.
No, I didn’t gain more lubs either.
And no, I’m not going to pat myself on the back and say any of that simpering positive “well at least that’s good news” pollyanna bullsh*t” over it. Feh.
Lush Slammin’ Yes, I’m still hovering, languishing, dilly-dallying at that almost, maybe, just maybe… if I lean just a bit to the right on the scale… 10 lub mark. Just like last week.
So I’ve started wondering if even that is a fictitious thing — the almost 10 lub loss. Maybe it’s not even fat. I mean let’s think about it. I probably, actually, sorta, coulda weighed more than I stated when I started this whole phoodplan adventure if I count the girlie guts equipment I no longer own. That has to weigh something, right?
Morsel talk Plus, I chucked those hormone patches, so no more hormonally induced swollen body parts for me. No, not those. No, not that either. Sheesh. That’s not even my body part. Gutterbrain-sleezebaggsters. Ahem… so does that count? You know, do swollen body parts weigh anything? If I add all that up, it must count for something, right?
*Uh…does meringue weigh anything, dorktress?* Well, yes, technically because it is a form of matter and matter is anything that has mass and takes up space, right. Whatever.
Slackstress Anyway, I’ve decided to start writing down what I eat again and what type of exercise I do daily.
*Well, that’s a novel concept.* Go figure why that works for me. *
Like what? I can’t lie in writing to myself? Stooooooopid.* And I have a new idea I got from someone who is taking this way more seriously than I am and has results to show for it.
Serious results. He has lost a lot of weight. I can’t promise that I’ll stop joking about the whole phoodplan weightloss thing with myself however, because it takes the edge off of it for me, and that’s just how I am. I have to laugh about it. I’m thinking laughing burns more calories than stewing. But stewing sounds fabulous if there’s lots of potatoes cozied up against a juicy beef shank and all simmering in a gorgeous red full-bodied wine and garlic. Some mushrooms. A few carrots. Parsley. Crusty bread….
So here’s my new tactic. If I have to look at these love Lub Notes to myself every time I go into the bathroom to get beautified, then maybe it will work. I have to, however, want to get beautified to begin with, so that’s going to be the first obstacle. Does make-up weigh anything?
It’s all about me.
1mel
wrote on 16 May 2007 at 19:58
Kelly: If it helps to know, your missing girlie plumbing weighed about 3 pounds….at least that was the case for both my mom and MIL.
I wish I could find a way to stick to some sort of plan. I have been trying…well thinking about losing these extra pounds for months and months. When I was actually, actively trying, I lost 7 pounds….but it took 3 months. My husband lost 7 pounds in a few weeks! Gah. I need to get back on board. I have tried the sticky notes. They didn’t work for me. Right now those homemade banana muffins on the counter aren’t working for me either!
2Oh, The Joys
wrote on 16 May 2007 at 20:02
I am a weight watchers chick myself. Those post it’s are funny!
3kellypea
wrote on 16 May 2007 at 20:32
The stickies are to help out with the entertainment value. I considered taking pictures of farm animals and sticking them up there with my photoshop head….
Well, if I would get off my butt, I could possibly lose a few more. Does anyone out there have a crane?
And a friend of mine does weight watchers as well. She says when she counts, she loses. I’ve never tried it before, so should look into it. Of course, looking wouldn’t quite get the job done, right?
4MoH
wrote on 16 May 2007 at 20:55
You’re still cute
5Ritzy
wrote on 16 May 2007 at 21:07
Kelly… I hear ya… too bad talking about the need to drop pounds didn’t actually do the job…still working on baby weight a year later. I count WW pts, write everything down and lift weights & cardio 3-4x a week. The writing down things helps b/c then all you are cheating is yourself and it’s amazing what you can actually consume in a day. Something else to nag at your brain in the middle of the night.
PS - 4 oz wine equals 2 pts.
PPS - at least the gorgeous brunch you hosted didn’t do too much damage - you must have typed away all those calories since the weekend. Keep typing!!
6kellypea
wrote on 16 May 2007 at 21:14
Yay! My MoH chimed in. Woo Hoo! Thanks sweetness.
Hey Ritzy — I am pretty good about not overdoing the sweet junky food thing. Just need to exercise routinely, keep an eye on that wine *sob* and thanks for the points info — and — OH! I almost forgot. My VBF called and it looks like we’re going to start walking together again. That seriously helps!
7Rick
wrote on 17 May 2007 at 0:43
Kelly, feel free to join us at any time! We could use a female around there to keep us guys in line. The accountability helps in a big way.
8earlene
wrote on 17 May 2007 at 2:17
I laughed my head off!! Not good with this cough of mine. I love the post it’s. I heard on the news this morning that there is a desk that you walk while working. About 3 miles an hour. Check into that. Keep it up. And you are be u t ful!!!
9BeckEye
wrote on 17 May 2007 at 2:55
I need to start leaving myself nasty notes!
Are you still watching AI? Melinda actually got voted off. That’s what happens when you give that much power to teens and tweens.
10Theresa111
wrote on 17 May 2007 at 4:34
I there. You are very funny. I just finished off some popcorn while I read your blog. I also have an Apple, an iMac. Over the past three days all I have been doing is technical stuff and learning. Wow! Anyway, need to get back to blogging. Just wanted to stop bby and introduce myself. If you leave a comment on my actual blog site, please leave me your http etc. So I cn find you again. I saw Paisley left you a shout message. She is really nice. Shout box really workd for me. Goodnight!
11Theresa111
wrote on 17 May 2007 at 4:36
Sorry for the typos! I’m beat!
12kellypea
wrote on 17 May 2007 at 5:23
Hi Rick — I think I’d like to join you because at least then I’d be more serious about the whole thing. Thanks for the invite!
E- the desk thing sounds perfect. Do you have to stand up? I read Hemingway did his writing standing. Cool, Huh? If I throw in a few more “ands” I could sorta kinda be like him. Maybe. Not.
Oh, man, BeckEye — Yah, we just saw it. I had a feeling with Elliot being there and getting voted off on the same night. Yep. Did you see all those Tweeners being interviewed about their predictions. Jeez.
Hi Teresa — Thanks! I do have fun and occasionally crack myself up. It’s cheap entertainment — well, except for the iMac. Thanks for stopping by.
13kellypea
wrote on 17 May 2007 at 6:48
Hugs and kisses back at you Pat. A mess? Moi? Uh…Nope. Get a grip. You’ll be fine. I hear prunes help.
14laketrees
wrote on 17 May 2007 at 8:25
Those post its are really cute….a lady over here walked around her clothesline everyday to lose weight…..and it worked!!!! I know walking anywhere works for me……the challenge ….I find …….is getting the joggers on….
15Deb
wrote on 17 May 2007 at 15:35
LMAO with the wine post it! I conveniently packed my scale a few days ago since we’re moving and I have been downing too much wine and spirits lately! I got the US Weekly with Ricki Lake but haven’t read it yet. I sure hope theres some miraculous info in that article! Thanks for the post - you make me laugh every time :)
16kellypea
wrote on 17 May 2007 at 16:40
Hi Kim — Yep, the walking is good. Once I get in a habit, then things are easier. I’ve broken my habit over the past week, so have to get going again. Jogging? No way!
Hi Deb! Loved the Ricki Lake piece you posted. What an accomplishment, huh? And moving is pretty stressful, so I’m thinking the wine is in order. Serve me up one, too!
17cherann
wrote on 18 May 2007 at 0:06
Kellypea,
I have to say…based on the picture above, you don’t look very big to me.
But the pink post it notes were pretty funny.
18kellypea
wrote on 18 May 2007 at 3:43
Hey Cherann — good to hear from you. And thanks, but I weigh 55 lbs. more than when I graduated from HS. Why that is a marker is beyond me, but it makes a statement. I don’t want to weigh that much, but somewhere around 140 would be lovely! I’m over 5’7”, so I’d be able to wear it well.