Spam, Toilets, and Snark Love in Cyberspace

Posted on | May 17, 2007 |

MyPicture

It’s official. I feel completely freaking famous. Sss-weeeet! Gonna buy me a Lotto ticket. Yessir! I have received my very first snarky comment from someone. Well, maybe my second, but the first one didn’t really count because it lacked serious clout and I didn’t actually know the person. But this latest? Yep, I know her. OMG, how cool is it that? She slimed right up to my blogstep and actually knocked. Just like she was company. Well, actually more like a big, green loogie type hairball. You know — the thing that comes after a smoker’s ugly hacking, coughing, hocking, then spitting thing. Have another cigarette, honey. Sorry. The rest of you will have to walk around it on your way in. Well, at least she didn’t lurk around like some perv hating my guts in private, festering, and still snooping around all at the same time.

Just in case you missed the lervly ~~turd she left in my punchbowl~~ sweetness yesterday, let me recap:

“Well, Kelly, aren’t we a MESS?” *I’m looking around and there’s no one here but me and my dog — and my dog’s bee-u-tee-ful even though she’s a plus size chic like me — but she’s shy about it. So this nutjob must be talking about herself and a turd in her pocket, because I’m lookin’ mighty fine about now. My hair is combed, my teeth are brushed. Don’t have to go to work. Get to do what I want everyday, all day. Quite pleasant, actually.*

“No, I mean YOU, not ME.” *Well, I may be no uber Babe-en-schtine, but I was taught by my Gramster that smack like that rates up there with the pot callin’ the kettle black, and I’m thinkin’ my pot’s way more…well…more than hers. Really.*

“I’m retired now…” *Hmmm…retired…uh…is that an accomplishment? Like dragging her sorry arse over some kind of finish line? Don’t you actually have to work to retire from a job? Oh, no. I forgot. It’s kind of like doing seat time, waiting for the bell to ring so you can go home. I get it. Collect a check for doing nothing and thinking you’ve arrived and are sticking it to some sorry bureaucracy. That’s winning? Yah, I really want to be in that line. Sign me right up.*

Cheers!

“but I hear you are OUT OF A JOB!” *Like outta gas, or outta patience, or out of it? Or like….oh, I get it. She thinks I got fired. You know, hosed. Booted outta there. Toast. History. Terminated. And she thinks she’s higher on the food chain than me now. Okay. Uh….a little slow on the uptake there, Snarky, as it’s been about six months since I left, and about two since I officially resigned. My choice. Mine. Six fabulous months — well except the part about having my equipment removed — And I have truly ached at not having to be at work 10-12 hours a day and then doing more work at home. You know, I can barely sleep at night I miss the sparkling glamour of it all so much — sigh — to be so…so…well…just so. You know?*

“Gotta love it.” *How seriously cool is it that I have her support for my decision to quit? It makes my armpits all warm and sticky to know that somehow her retirement is going so very well, she took the time to ~~stalk me~~ locate me in cyberspace and has actually taken precious, valuable time to ~~spew venom~~ send me blob love.*
“Couldn’t happen to a more deserving person.” *Sigh. It’s so wonderful to know you’ve made an impression on someone after knowing them for so short a time, and to be rewarded by knowing you’ve provided a source of ~~misery loves company~~ happiness for them. I’m ecstatic to know she is supporting my decision to take better care of my health, to support my family, and to enjoy life without having to work. Ahhhh…*

Comments

10 Responses to “Spam, Toilets, and Snark Love in Cyberspace”

mel
May 17th, 2007 @ 9:52 am

Your first snarky comment! You are official now! I haven’t received a snarky comment yet. Pout. I wanna’ be official! What can I do to piss people off?

Those spam pictures are totally gross.
kellypea
May 17th, 2007 @ 10:03 am

Mel — it’s seriously past our bed time. I made the mistake of having coffee — haven’t done that in years.

You’re too nice to piss anyone off. You have to be a boss who gets the blame for a cutback because of huge budget problems. So I’m the bad guy. Whatever.

And I figured the Spam would be better than the Google images I was sifting through of people’s buttocks being smooched.

Okay. Bed time for bonzette. *yawn*

Oh — BTW — GREAT hair :-)
mel
May 17th, 2007 @ 10:10 am

My dear, Kelly…to say I am too nice to piss anyone off…..my family would die laughing!

I do think the spam pictures worked to get your point across. I just think spam is probably one of the ickiest, sort-of meat products ever! The picture where it was all squished….blech.

I am bossy, but I would never make a good boss. You did what you had to do.
earlene
May 17th, 2007 @ 2:40 pm

Now she has pissed off your Mother!! And I will be looking for her. My Mom taught me “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all” Boy, she is a sicko. Come on out, you coward. Kelly, ignore her. She is not worth a comment.
kellypea
May 17th, 2007 @ 3:44 pm

It’s okay. She got spammed. First thing this morning. She did leave me with a seriously great tip about McDonald’s hiring, however, which I think is really nice.
Ritzy
May 17th, 2007 @ 7:46 pm

I guess I really must be a newbie to this bloggin’ world. What is snark?

Sounds like you got it all taken care of though, GRRRR you Cyber Tigress!!
kellypea
May 17th, 2007 @ 8:09 pm

Hey Ritzy! Websters defines it as an imaginary animal. Wikipedia has lots of references which are quite entertaining — especially the one about the “small, bug-like species of alien.” So add the descriptor “snidely derisive,” and we have an excellent image.

Don’t you just love language? Cyber Tigress…Hmmm….Photoshop????
twistedsister
May 18th, 2007 @ 2:34 am

Ha! I got my first snarky one yesterday. He actually had the nerve to tell me AND I quote “I shouldn’t be taking time from my important blog to comment here”. Like who asked him??? Anyway apparently my posts are silly too. Oh well, I guess it was gonna happen sooner or later…..I must admit though, I was a little pissed off ;-)
Twisted Sister
May 18th, 2007 @ 3:24 am

Kelly, first, you have a great site here! Sorry it took me so long to get to it, but now that I’m here I’m lovin’ it! What a wicked sense of humor you have! As for the snarky comment, I got one the other day too. I brought it up on the discussions page, it blew my mind. Sounds like you handled it better than I did though. Take care!
kellypea
May 18th, 2007 @ 3:39 am

Okay, what I want to know Twisted Sister(s) is whether the snarky comment was a separate one to each of you, or two separate ones. I”m thinking yours was better than mine. What a loser to say that. Narcissist! And I’m really glad you found me. I’ve cruised by your blog a couple of times in my surfing delirium and also see great comments from others in the bloggosphere about you. Woo Hoo! Thanks for gracing my blogstep!