I figured it was time for one of my ADD posts. It should match my brain about now. So much for Wordless Wednesday, right?

Le Blog: The orange is so not staying so hold on to your shorts. But I do like the layout. I just needed to find something that would run. Internet Explorer SUCKS and IE6 is not loving WordPress 2.5 or something. Well, that’s what I’m thinking, so to make sure I completely ignore Abraham Lincoln’s sage advice about not being able to please all the people all of the time, I’ve become a theme switching maniac. It won’t end anytime soon. But doods. Could you PLEASE upgrade your web browsers? It’s so not challenging. Give it a go. Hell. Splurge and download Firefox. It takes a few seconds. Firefox is terrific.

American Noodle: Has anyone figured out that Jason doesn’t WANT to be on the show? He’s over it. It’s a game. David Arche-what-ever his shucky darn name is has turned into a male version of Mariah Carey, whom I less than enjoy listening to. I’ve never quite adapted to that whole up and down the register wailing that goes on in her songs. I do get that I’m beyond ancient, and that I am no authority on anything but what I believe sounds exceptional, but still. He’s got a good voice, but the judges are just pandering to whomever the Tweeners will choose. I’ve lost interest in his voice and his no longer believable “who me?” look of surprise when they sprinkle him with their judge-ness. They just want to be recognized as someone who gets credit for his inevitable famousness. The RTR actually got up to take a shower last night when David A was singing because he just can’t stand the hand waving squealing females in front of the stage any longer. David Cook deserves to win. Period.

Hell’s Kitchen: Are these people for real this year? O. M. G. Do any of them actually know how to cook? I can’t figure out why we actually are spending time watching this disaster. It reminds me of why I don’t like reality shows. But hey, it’s family time. We have to watch something while we’re eating dinner (yes, that late sometimes…). and we can make fun of the nonsense together and the talking doesn’t exactly interfere with the show. Who knows?

Vacation: Finally booked an apartment near the Campo di Fiore for the first four nights of our time in Rome this summer. I’ve got plans for that kitchen. Now, on to the Amalfi coast…I would love to stay in a little pensione…maybe schedule a trip to Capri…so many decisions, but moving along on the plans and starting to get excited. Finally.

Politics: I am so tired of all the crap the talking heads are throwing around about the candidates. It’s beyond annoying and I’d love to market some personalized corks for each of their mouths. Big ones. Wouldn’t that be swell? I’m even more tired of people who don’t take the time to find out what they can about candidates, instead believing what the pundits say. How can anyone at this point in time actually think that the decision we’re going to make next November can be taken that lightly. Aren’t things screwed up enough in the country? Hell. In the world? I’m sooooooo looking forward to paying even more money for gasoline. Aren’t you? Yowza. I’m so cranky about it all, I can’t sit down long enough to articulately write anything specific about it. I’m disgusted. And I don’t want to hear Hilary dropping her ing endings or swilling beer with locals. It’s lame.

Homefront: My mom is settling in here in Paradise. We went on a field trip down to the grocery store yesterday. You know, to show her some places to be familiar with. And while we were there, a rather distinguished elderly man, tall with a nice grey suit, stopped us while we were involved in a brainless discussion on what type of catfood our cats might like, and proceded to tell us four jokes. He was cute. But it was bizarre. Seriously. Then my mother ran into a woman she used to work with years ago and they talked for five minutes or so about life changing decisions like moving and giving away everything. When they were finished, Mom asked me, “Where are we going next?” and a man approaching her from behind leaned over her shoulder and said, “To the liquor store,” and she cracked up because I had just asked her if she wanted some Miller Lite. While in the checkout lane, the checker, someone I see regularly in the store blathered at us the whole time, and then told Mom she was gorgeous and that it was too bad his dad had just remarried. That he and his brother didn’t even like the new wife.

Totally. Hilarious.

Dooce: We used up an ENTIRE morning trying to figure out when you were going to be on the Today Show today. It TOTALLY cut into my blogging time. And when you were finally on, were you thinking you’d like to smack Kathy Lee Gifford as much as I did? What is up with women who “don’t like computers” because they can’t figure out how to use them so blame it on the computer. Huh? And you did want to pull her hair over the comments she made about Leta, right? I did. But Heather, your highlights and cut are looking terrific, girl. Way.

And like I said. ADD.

Best wishes to you if you are able to follow this blather today. I just reread it and was struggling, so I sympathize. The complaint department can be located at the bottom. Take a number.

We’re semi bummed over the loss of Chikeze who was voted out of Noodle Land last night. NOT Ramiele who should have gone. He looked so sad. It was bound to happen. The competition is too fierce this year and even though people like Ramiele and Kristy Lee are still around, their days are numbered. Ground shaking news when one considers that each week someone has to go. Can you feel it? Rocket Science. I’m so on it, aren’t I?

I am on it with Top Chef, however. How could I not be, die hard foodie that I am? If you haven’t begun watching yet, not to worry, because Fox runs all the shows from seemingly all seasons eight million times a week. Which means you have all those opportunities to DVR several and then watch them at 3AM when you can’t sleep. Actually there are almost no dramatics like other reality television shows — which is another reason I like it. Well, besides wondering what cauliflower brulee tastes like. Ewww? But if it is the dramatics you prefer, Gordon Ramsay is getting ready to light a torch next week with a new season of taking screaming obscenities in a kitchen to a new level. Oddly, I can relate. It must be my alter ego. This is the BBC version, so if you’re opposed to unlicensed flying f-words, then skip the vid. I think it’s hilarious.

I love Top Chef. But this year, the people aren’t thrilling me. Sure, there are one or two whom I immediately noticed (the annoyingly scrappy potty mouth guy and the perky absent-minded man from New Zealand) but otherwise, they’re sort of personality-less at this point. It’s also disappointing that another gadgety-foamy-smoky guy is on. I just want to yell, “JUST COOK, DOOD! Jeez.Speaking of “jeez,” I’ve noticed that around the web, it’s being spelled, “geeze.” Excuse me?

That would be pronounced, /gheez/ with a hard /g/ as in garage or geezer and not a soft /g/ as in giraffe or gerbil. Could someone please pass this information along to the masses? Or I suppose we could check in the Oxford English Dictionary which is finally being completely revised. That should take a few years (expected date of completion is 2037), but at least then, we’ll all know what the most up-to-date definition of pettifog might be.

I simply can’t wait. Will someone fan me, please?

As far as waiting goes, I’ve been waiting for WordPress 2.5 to hurry up and be here, already. Finally, finally some of the features available with WordPress.com will be available to people like me who know enough to get themselves in real trouble and have been sooooooo lucky thus far to not have screwed things up royally. *I get by with a little help from my friends…*The new dashboard and uploader are excellent. No more waiting until the cows come home to upload photos.

Like this one.

The RTR seems to be her replacement male since Blackitty’s demise. Go figure. A very sad state of affairs, don’t you think?

Now that you’re up to date on all things unimportant, I’ll be around making up for lost time reading your bloglets and trying to make up lost ground on THE campaign since all our paper prints is crap about who’s related to whom genetically.

Like it matters if I’m related to Betsy Ross?

I guess it is a bit easier for some to think about than the price of gasoline, the events in Tibet, the recent finger pointed at KPMG over the subprime mortgage mess, or other such goings on in this very fine place we call Earth.

Party on.

You know things are getting serious around here when the MoH tells us that we should just go ahead and watch American Noodle without him because he has no idea when he’ll be home. See, the rule is, we DVR the show, watch something else (because he wants to watch it WITH us) and then when he flies up the stairs from the garage, I throw his dinner at him as his butt hits the chair and we play catch up with the recording.

I looked at him Monday, telling him we’d record it for him so he could speed through the commercials when he got home thereby salvaging his being in the know status about who’s who when things are finally getting interesting.

Like keeping track of Paula’s outfits.

It appears that when she was getting dressed, the delicate, lacy fabric became caught on its hanger and she tried to unhook it, but became irritated and maniacally ripped it free. Okay, so maybe that’s something I would do, but I wouldn’t wear it afterwards. Hell, Christian from Project Runway needs to dress the woman. Then she’d truly be fierce. Moving right along…I say Ramiele is going to be voted off the NoodleLand this evening. Yes, she’s cute. And yes, I think her voice has possibilities when she’s not yelling, thinking about listening to her own singing, or singing off key, which is frequently. AND because Kristy Lee actually sang better than ever. Of course she pulled a serious fast one by singing a stand up and pound your patriotic chest type song which means she’ll get a vote from every Republican on Earth. It’s true. This will seal her career as a Ball Park singer. She is cute, though. Apple Pie and all that. Well, except the cage fighting she says she’s interested in. Hmmm…

Now, rounding out the bottom three and providing Ramiele company for the show will be Chikezie because there is no way he’s going to be able to keep up with the hunkster voting hoards.

And sadly, Carly. I like Carly. I love her voice, her song selections, her intensity. Plus, she’s from Paradise! But I think she won’t get the votes AND may even lose to Ramiele tonight which would be par for the course. *sigh* We had all our cells lined up last night because damnit, we were going to text in our votes for the first time ever. And then the RTR said, “We have AT & T?” Uh. Nope. I knew that.

Syesha has a great voice, but she can’t keep pace with the voting either. I do think she out sang Jason, who’s fun to listen to, has a very unique style that takes me right back to when I was a teenaged cute thing. All he needs to sing is “Summer Breeze,” or a Bread song. Then I’ll be happy. *Who?* You had to be there, okay?

Let’s see…Brooke sort of fits right in with Jason era wise. She makes me think of Carly Simon and Carole King and she’s got the peaches and roses thing going on, so she’ll be fine, too. For a while. Or wait. Maybe it was sunshine.

And David A? Well, he’s going to keep getting votes from the tweeners. He just will. And he’s so sweet, even if my sister thinks he has pig eyes.

Michael Johns FINALLY let it rip and was outstanding. Totally. Of course, the females in the audience could care less as long as they just get to see his face each week. So he’s in.

And I think this guy’s the most talented of the bunch.

He brings everything he’s got every week and is amazing regardless of what Simon says. What does he know, anyway? Will David Cook win it all? Hell no. Too many stoopid voters out there.  You know, people who have AT & T.  *just kidding* This year, any of three could win and it would be fine.

At least they have talent.

So, just remember. You heard it here.

And then I’ll be famous.

I’m throwing in my two cents on which people are going to get voted off American Noodle tonight, because I can imagine that you just may want to bump up your thinking about my ability to just know things. I can’t use this remarkable skill for anything that would make a difference, however, such as winning the Lotto, investing my new wealth in highly intelligent ways that would quadruple my winnings nearly over night.

You know.

Like when viral traffic is driven to your site after you show lame photos of celebs in compromising situations, or tell completely hilarious stories about what your little kids say about body parts and that sort of thing. *heart you, mel* Okay, so maybe not quite viral. But still.

Then I could be added to the list of the world’s richest people, causing them to look over at me when we are all lined up for our photoshoot and wonder…“How did she get here?”

You’re not falling for this?

Fine.

But here are my pix: In the list of “Boys,” 1) Luke (how he has made it this far is beyond me…) because he is the epitome of what Simon loves to call “cabaret” and reminds me of someone who takes the stage in a decent sized Vegas casino in the afternoon before the real action starts. But he is handsome, so if he isn’t booted off tonight, it’s because he keeps getting the hunkster vote. 2) David Hernandez. He sounds great when he’s on key (I know…), but gets lost in the mix. Well, that is until people found out what his day job used to be. That will probably get him votes since it has nothing to do with singing. Or, I’m thinking some members of the audience were really entertained about his bit on having boogers in his nose during his little pre-singing video on Tuesday.

And for my pix on the “Girls,” 1) Kady. I honestly think the only reason she wasn’t voted off last week is because she looked almost exactly like Alaina who could actually sing. 2) Amanda has to be off. I know it’s nice to keep a rocker around, but the person needs to be able to sing and she’s already got the attention she needed to hook up with a band who needs a lead. Plausible? Nah — I’m just making it all up. But it’s funny watching her not smile, like if you’re a rocker chick, it’s against the rules.

Okay, you heard it here. Place your bets at the door on your way out.

And take a second to admire our sunset this evening. I haven’t seen one quite like this in quite a while, thanks to the RTR who knows his mom loves a colorful sky and yelled from downstairs so that I wouldn’t miss it.

Nice kid, huh?

Okay, okay.

 

So I know the headers are not quite right with the color of the rest of the page. I’m working on it.

I was never fond of the aqua color that is prevalent in the page and have just tolerated it. Quite the exercise for someone like me. Too bad that exercise doesn’t burn calories. And I’m tired of the font, and the “kellementology” thingy above my header which has to be there. I tell yah.

But I will be messing around with the font and colors, so if you don’t like something, by all means, let it rip. I can’t promise I’ll listen to a single thing you say, but it’s free to comment on my blog, yanno? And for a small fee will offer suggestions about how you might bump up your authoritative voice if your aim is to actually get someone to hear you.

I’d be just fine if I could sit up here all night and figure it out. But there are so may have tos, like cooking dinner, and brushing my teeth, and sleeping, and American Noodle. Speaking of which…

…how did you think the guys did last night? Hmmmm? Any favorites? Anybody you think should be voted off the noodle? Do tell! And will the biker type chickster get voted off this week? I’m thinking yes…

Because that’s a whole lot more interesting than discussing what happened in Ohio yesterday. What is up? Could we please get everyone out there to vote? What is so difficult about it? All you have to do is make a mark. Or poke a button. It’s not really challenging. Just make sure it’s for the right person.

 

I’ve been in food land. You, gentle reader, should know that by now when the end of each month comes around, I will not be here. Surely you must have come across at least one of the eight trillion loaves of Julia Child’s French bread that are flooding Bloggsville with carbs, haven’t you? Just for grins and giggles, I did a Google search to see where I fell in the mix and actually looked at each page…scanning…searching, and feel not too badly surfacing on page 25 connected to Foodbuzz. I guess I’m not quite famous. Yet. I stopped looking for any mention of my foodblog on page 45 or something. Clearly I either have time to burn, or don’t feel like cleaning my house.

I’ll keep working on it. Being famous — not cleaning my house.

But, being the pithy one that I pretend to be, I’ve decided to get that point across with my rendition of Message in a Bottle. The point being that I’m a hopeless foodie and that it does take time when one enjoys much more about food than simply eating. Call it my version of the Slow Food Movement. The incomparable Cooper of Wonderland or Not, Should Be Famous and Darfur, an Unforgiveable Hell on Earth graced me with the opportunity to put my virtual Message in a Bottle and I do have to say that I’m feeling fairly famous about that since she NEVER, EVER even bats an eye at memes or awards.

It’ll be rough trying to pulling on my jammie top tonight before bed, so fat is my head over this.

In all seriousness, Message in a Bottle began at Mimi Writes, and from my visit there, I discovered that Mimi also instigated the Band Meme of which I was also a daft lemming willing participant. I do have to say that it was one of the more inspired memes I’ve been smacked with intrigued by and any excuse to open Photoshop is a complete afternoon sucker upper absolutely fine.

Unfortunately, I just might be one of those mentioned who resides in her dungeon. Mayhaps I didn’t follow those directions either? *sigh*

The directions for Message in a Bottle are not quite as lengthy (see below) as Julia Child’s recipe for & Veracity: The Day Julia Child Kicked my Butt" target="_blank">pain francais (17 pages…), but I can feel myself not wanting to attend to them since there isn’t food involved. A hamburger for engaging might be a good idea since I’m on election watch this evening which is on a semi- collision course with American Noodle (and OMG how could the Texting Tweeners not vote off the cool, but not so melodious biker female?). And if I’m not mistaken, New Amsterdam, that show Fox has been dangling in front of us since before the holidays is going to premiere this evening (the one with the hunky guy who lives forever and how awful would that be?)

Heavens to Betsy. How have I come to this?

Here is my message in a bottle…

My message can be taken literally; goodness knows that I live by this advice. But more importantly, it is a message reminding us that if we deny ourselves that which is special, we risk so much of what can make life truly amazing, relatively speaking, of course. If I must also explain — from an analytical angle, dark chocolate and red wine are a source of anitoxidants. The butter? Well, if you’ve been using “spread,” how are those triglyceride levels, hmmmm? It’s all about moderation. *bends over to drag soapbox from under the desk* You have noticed what happens when you really enjoy something and saturate yourself with it, it loses its sparkle, right?

Okay, so not sex or rock ‘n’ roll okay? Behave. But if you thought about it before you read it, consider yourself seriously tagged.

I’m supposed to be doing a meme and being a good citizen in bloggsville because Francis of Caught in the Stream  annointed me with some fairly lofty honors for which I am very grateful, and am currently planning my attack acceptance speech.

But I couldn’t resist succumbing to the American Noodle magnet and ran up stairs after the show this evening to throw my two cents into the pot for our fresh perspective on the real first night of the season: the one where we really get to take a look at who’s who and who’s not.

So here’s the run down — and there are some rules, because the MoH decided we have an in house ranking system. (Who invited him?) Immediately after each person sings, we each have to assign a number: 1 = Horrible; 4 = Excellent

I know. Rocket Science.

But our votes soon earned the RTR the nickname of “Paul” for Paula (because he likes everybody) and Simon for me (because I actually listen to whether they can sing or not and what a concept that is doncha think?) I’m thinking the MoH just sucks at knowing who can sing and who can’t and just can’t handle it.

Moving right along:

#1 - David Hernandez earned a TWO. He could’ve had a higher score, but he was first, and he screwed up the last few notes. Way to make an impression, dood. But they put him first for a reason you know, and it isn’t to leave him out to dry.

#2 - Chickeze (AKA Jacuzzi thanks to Simon…) Um…I did like the orange suit. I did. But singing on key is important unless you have big hair and can get the tweener vote. So he scored a ONE plus.

#3 - David Cook (are there enough Davids this year? Jeez.) Totally intriguing with one of my favorite songs from the ’60s when I was a very young thing. Loved it, so he scored a FOUR. And no, not just because I liked the song, okay?

#4 - Jason Yeager - I loved Moon River when Andy Williams sang it when I was a kid (you aren’t laughing, are you?), but it was…what does Simon call it? Cabaret. But he’s got a good voice, so I splurged with a THREE. And could someone please tell the guy to not have his son’s hair styled. It’s just wrong.

#5 - Robbie Carrico - This guy sort of reminds me of Bucky from two seasons ago, but can actually sing and has nice teeth instead of Bucky’s teeth. Great song choice (One is the loneliest number…) and could let it rip if he wanted. The tweeners won’t like him, though. Still, he gets a THREE.

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