kellementology

life according to me

Category: Gratitude

  • My Non-Fickle Car Life in Hondas

    This morning, someone on CNBC made a comment about American car customers being fickle.  I didn’t recognize him, and that doesn’t really matter.  Sometimes, I think the talking heads that flash on and off the television don’t know what comes out of their mouths most of the time, running a bit like someone who is in the throes of intestinal distress and searching for a bathroom.

    I immediately disagreed, knowing I would fail to qualify for fickleness.  I’ve had a love affair with Hondas since 1975 when I purchased a brand spanking new Civic hatchback with a “Hondamatic” transmission.  I was 19 years old.  I loved that car and the responsibility of making my $84.75 monthly payment.  I think it was the first time I actually began to feel like an adult with something that belonged specifically to me.

    There was a period where I was Honda-less, though.  I had a Jeep CJ-5 before Chrysler or whomever bought the company turned them into something that only looked like a Jeep.  It was fun for a while.  I learned how to drive a stick, let some air out of the over-sized tires and blast up the side of a giant sand dune — my hair bandana flapping in the hot breeze, my bikini clad skin darkening by the minute.

    I never quite fit the role of desert rat I was introduced to by my first husband, but it was what lured me away from Hondas for a few years.  I could talk about things like leaf springs, and 4-wheel drive traction.  I slept in a tiny tent in desolate areas, and drove around without doors attached to the side of my Jeep on warm days.  I visited shops that smelled of grease and sparkled with chrome rims and exhaust pipes.  I also spent time stuck in the middle of nowhere with flat tires, cracked radiators, and broken u-joints.  That’s what happens when a vehicle purchased for everyday use is thrashed about on days off and vacations.  The two don’t exactly mix.

    It was interesting while it lasted, but I sadly divorced the Jeep.  The radiator fan finally spinning off its track, I left it in a parking lot where a customer asked if he could buy it for his son.  I said yes, and watched as one of the more interesting parts of my life was towed away, its new teen-aged owner grinning ear to ear, leaving me with mixed memories.

    And then I bought another Honda.

    At that point, my two older boys were about five and six, and because the four-door gently used Civic made a strange noise when it was in high gear and reaching a particular speed, we named it the ST, for “Silver Tornado.”  It served quite a few important years getting me to and from work,  to SDSU to finish my abandoned degree, and my boys to and from school, and visits with their dad.  I have warm memories of our very own type of “car talk” revolving around the world they viewed from their backseat positions:  trees, hills, clouds…and water towers.  When I think of the topics now, they’re all that can be seen when you’re a small human seatbelted deep into a car.  Such very cute little boys.

    I miss them now that they’re grown.

    After I finished my credentialing program and the MoH and I married, we were able to leave behind our string of cheap apartments and purchase a condominium, creating a new home for our composite family.  Having a good monthly salary instead of the once a week check I squeezed while in school soon allowed me to donate the old ST to the local high school auto shop, and purchase a shiny new teal Honda Accord with a luxurious creamy interior and automatic windows.  Automatic transmission.  A moon roof.

    I thought I’d arrived.

    Although my two older boys had many years in that Honda, too, it quickly became the RT’s car.  His place to drip milk from his car seat, and then drop French fries from Happy Meals in cracks where I’d find them petrified weeks later.  His car to sit in more quietly since his brothers were so much older and often not in the car with him.  His space to have books and cars, rocks, and odd seeds he’d collect at school, calling them army men.  The creamy upholstery slowly began to age, the relentless sun in Paradise scorching it to the point where it would soon tear.

    So with a mere 11,500 miles on its not quite 10 year old engine, I sold it to one of my son’s friends and bought another Honda:  an Acura 3.2 TL which still sits in my driveway today.

    The plan was to give it to the RT when he was old enough to drive, and although that time is rapidly approaching, I’m not quite ready to give up my car.  Yes, there are dings in the sides of it from careless people in parking lots and students slinging backpacks over their shoulders in a hurry to get home.  The carpet is beginning to wear in spots as well.  I tire of the dust showing more quickly than it would on a lighter color, but I like it.  I like the idea that its reliability and comfort holds the remaining couple of years of driving my youngest here and there — he with his iPod earbuds in, me forgetting that when I want him to notice something out the window, forcing him to politely pull them out of his ears to listen to his mother.

    No, I think I’ll hold on to this the last of my Hondas.  It has a few more memories left in it.

    And then I’ll talk the MoH into one.

    April 10, 2012 — I am now the owner of a light blue MINI Cooper with a white top and the Acura I enjoyed for so many years now resides with the MoH’s parents who I hope are enjoying its comfortable ride.  I have to say driving the MINI does remind me a bit of tooling around in my first little Honda Civic — the small one with the hatchback.  I suppose this makes me fickle, but I’d say that considering 34 of the 38 years I’ve been driving I’ve owned a Honda, I can’t be too fickle.

  • Carly Simon and Memories about Choices

    Carly Simon and Memories about Choices

     

    Yesterday was a marathon of driving from one end of the county to the opposite and in weather more conducive to July than November.  To be more accurate, it’s cooler in July here than it has been the last many days.  I’ve given up wishing and hoping for weather that smells and feels like Fall, let alone the winter that is barely four weeks away.

    But when I’ve got a task to do that should have been completed weeks ago, I set my route and try not to think about it.  I just go, like I’m on auto pilot.  First one store, then the next.  Speak with one salesperson, then another — all the while taking mental notes and feeling my brain ready to explode with so many others’ opinions.

    I’d say that it’s because I’m thorough, but it’s closer to being an approval problem.

    Carly Simon helped.  Helped with the searching — not the approval problem.  I rarely listen to music while I’m in the car preferring quiet more, but felt I needed something to get me in and out of the car with each stop I made.  So Carly it was — and only because I sadly do not carry CDs in my car, let alone an iPod.

    My afternoon of driving was saturated with memories of the who and what I used to be when “Anticipation” and “You’re So Vain” could be heard on the radio when people actually listened to music on radios.  But my favorite was  “That’s the Way I Always Heard it Should Be,” the haunting melody something I loved even though at that point in my life, I wouldn’t have been able to relate to the words — a giving up of one’s self to something others did just because that’s what was done.

    I was too naive to see things that way.  I was too busy looking for fairy tales of my own and thinking they were something that existed instead of something created.  It takes a few mistakes to arrive at that conclusion.

    “But you say it’s time we moved in together/Raised a family of our own you and me/Well that’s the way I’ve always heard it should be/You want to marry me/We’ll marry…’

    I had no remorse about the eventuality of marriage because all of the other strings attached to the decision  were far more interesting, like having an engagement ring, choosing fabric for a dress I would make myself, selecting perfect invitations, a just right location.  You’re thinking there’s a minor problem with that line of thinking, yes?  The matter of “choosing to spend my life with someone who would never have understood me” type of a problem.

    “The couples cling and claw/And drown in love’s debris./You say we’ll soar like two birds through the clouds,/ But soon you’ll cage me on your shelf — I’ll never learn to be just me first,/By myself…”

    No, we didn’t get married.  The invitations were never ordered and the ring was given back.

    Funny what a song can make you remember, isn’t it?

    But I did end up finding what I was looking for on my marathon search yesterday.  It’s a vanity of sorts for part of our home renovation work.  I know you may not quite “see” it the way I do, and that it’s different than what you might put in your home.  I’m used to that.

    It’s because somehow along the way, I’ve learned to be just me first, by myself.

    Or — that I’ve already polled a zillion people on the choice since gawd forbid someone besides myself will have to look at it while they’re sitting on the toilet and think, “What in hell was that woman thinking?”

    But I’m used to people not seeing what I see in life and understand.

    You can still throw in your two cents worth on the vanity if you want.

    Yes, it's for the bathroom.

    Still not convinced?

    After all, it’s just a bathroom vanity, right?

    But when I look at it from now on, I will most likely hear Carly Simon’s melody reminding me that I have made some amazingly good choices in life.

  • Dear President Obama

    Dear President Obama:

    I can’t tell you how much I’ve anticipated your Presidency.  Thank you so much for taking the time to throw your hat in the ring to run for the highest office in this land.

    Now that I’ve made the perfunctory niceties, let me get down to business.  I have much to say…

    1.  I hear everything you say.  Now I want you to do what you said you’d do.  I know that it will take some time, and I’m more than willing to wait since I’ve waited for eight seemingly endless years for someone to save us.  I have faith that you’ll begin your work as soon as possible.

    2.  So there are quite a few Democrats in Congress who are probably rubbing their hands together just waiting to let the rumpus begin.  As seen by us all for the last eight years, a rumpus is not a fun thing to watch, let alone be on the receiving end of.  I have an inkling of an idea that you’ll give everyone a show with respect to NOT taking advantage of the majority in congress.  In fact, I believe you’ll hold your ground and work toward what you believe matters to the country, and not generally to a party line.  Right?

    3.  Sure those Dems will be pissed off.  Too bad.  Nobody wants to have the sweet bird of paradise crap all over their birthday cake.  And pissing them off will most likely put the brakes on quite a few things you’ve got on your agenda.  But hold your own.  They’ll get over it.  It’s not about them, after all, is it?  It’s about us — the people who voted for you.  I know you listened to us, didn’t you?

    4.  On the taxes issue.  I hear all kinds of crap about taking money away from the rich and spreading the wealth.  Poor souls don’t understand they aren’t the ones with the wealth you’re talking about.  But when I think about it, it’s kind of cool that people who earn a very good wage think they’re “wealthy.”  Only in America, right?  Those are the people you’re talking about strengthening, right?  They already pay quite a bit of their income in taxes, and I know it seems like they’re rich to those who make less, but at some point, just because you make more than those who make less doesn’t mean you need to pay even more.  Percentages are always good as far as I’m concerned.  So I’ll keep my eye on this one.  I am worried about how you’ll pay for the debt we’ve incurred in Iraq.  Somehow, that not so minor issue has been effectively swept under the carpet by many people who don’t love you as much as your voters do.

    5.  It has been suggested to me that being the white woman have been since birth, I voted for you because I feel guilty that I’m white and you’re black.  I’m not sure what to say about this other than I voted for the person I thought was the smartest and had the most clear vision of what was possible for our country.  I noticed you were black and that your father was from Africa, and that your middle name was something that sends some people into some kind of a panic, but I decided you were smart and that’s more than I can say for the person who has served for the past eight years.

    6.  You represent so much of what it means to be an American to me, giving hope to those who have come from similar backgrounds to know that they, too, with persistent effort, rise beyond their challenges in life.  It’s important to provide that hope, as much as it’s important to exude the hard work and effort it takes to achieve one’s dreams and goals.  Thank you for continuing to stress the importance of diligence.

    7.  Could you please get on the health care issue?  I truly think this is the most important aspect of your work.  Having a system that is about whether an employer pays for insurance or whether one can “afford” it herself isn’t efficient.  Do what you can, please, to help people understand that waiting in line isn’t all there is to a different more effective health system for us all.

    8.  I’m kind of sleepy so will make this short.  Well, short for me.  But I’d say that second priority is energy.  Something radical has to happen to steer us in the right direction regarding energy.  I love having choices, but I know the time is gone for me to continue to blithely say that I can afford whatever I have to pay for energy.  It’s not about that.  It’s more about what matters to the planet.  I’m tired of paying for foreign oil.  I’m tired of funding not being available to sustain the progress important to the development of alternative solutions.  Yes, there are people who will find problems with any alternative, but what are our options?  We need wind energy and solar energy, and nuclear energy, and…well you know.  Can you please keep all the oil mongers in line?  They seem to be quite the tough customer and only interested in themselves.  Shouldn’t it be illegal for an oil company to record $14 billion in profits for one quarter when consumers are paying astronomical prices?  They’ve made us all clowns while they’re on their way to the bank.  THOSE are the wealthy you’ve been talking about, right?

    9.  Okay, it’s time for bed.  Thanks for listening.  I’ll be back routinely just to let you know what’s on my mind.  I’m just one of hundreds of millions, but I’m willing to talk in a civil manner which is quite challenging for others like my brother who insists upon calling you “Barry.”  You’ll have to forgive him.  He’s a bit cranky, but down deep he sort of gets it some of the time.

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for running for President.  You have restored my weary heart and have given me so much to look forward to.

    Sincere Congratulations,

    Kelly who happens to live in Paradise

  • I should make a list.

    It’s official.  I’ve finally gotten to the point in my life sans former profession where I feel like I need an additional six hours a day added to my clock.  I’m happy to say that in contrast to my former need for six hours extra *delete rant that was to have been inserted here…*, I’m happily feeling that I not only need to get all that I have to get done…done…I want to.

    It does not mean, nor will it ever, that I am perky, however.

    It does mean that I just may have to blow the dust off my calendar, or more realistically, use my cyber calendar more effectively.  The way I feel right now, I could become a compulsive list maker with the very first order of the day being, make a list, which has never made much sense to me.

    My very non-perky giddiness is being fueled by so many different aspects of life right now — and it’s an interesting one to me, if no one else.

    With the election just around the corner, I’m successfully undistracted by everything the media has to say about Palin, or Ayers, or the Dewey effect, or just about anything that’s coming out of their mouths right now.  They’re on overdrive and have me wondering what in Hell they’ll talk about after it’s all over.  I feel like I need to organize a party for election night.  When Obama crosses that goal line, we should be able to jump out of our seats and scream just like we do when any of our sports teams win.  Yes, I said when — not if.

    I.  Can’t.  Wait.

    In other news, my mother has a boyfriend.  She’s 70, you know.  But there’s something wrong with calling a man who’s well into his sixties a boy, and man friend sounds strange.  Man cake?  She says they giggle about silly things, email back and forth, and go to the kareoke sessions at their complex together.  Sounds like camp doesn’t it?  She also just garnered one of the coveted garden spots, inheriting some established rose bushes and will no doubt have it transformed into a veritable botanical nirvana before spring.  What does this translate to?  The guilt I’ve been carrying around not spending more time with her has eased up a bit, and I’m right in line to have her tell me she’s too busy the next time I ask her if she wants to go shopping or something — which happens once every blue moon or so.

    You go Mom.  What does he call you?  Blue Eyes?  Oh, my.

    And then, of course, there’s the remodel the economy tried to squash, but couldn’t.  In fact we started the process yesterday and now I’m feeling like I need to pinch myself over it all and then snap out of it.  There’s so much to do.  Do you have any idea just how many bathroom vanities, pedistal sinks, vessel sinks, over mount, under mount, wall mount, porcelain, stone, hammered copper, wooden, antique, modern possibilities there are?  It’s sort of Heaven and Hell all at once.

    Like hot flashes.  Raging heat, then freezing cold.  Okay, so maybe not. *looks at watch wondering just how long menopause actually lasts when one has no equipment left*

    Then there’s my food blog which has begun to feel like a business.  That’s a good thing, but I’m a bit slow on the uptake and need to sit down and think about it all while I’m not in front of my Mac which is beyond distracting.  I know I’m the only person on the planet who feels that way, of course.  Or better said, the only person who has no resolve, no will power, no stick-to-itiveness.  Actually, I’m great at all those things as long as they’re connected to my Mac.  I finally decided to take on my own domain with my food blog and having my memory refreshed about the process is less than thrilling.  But I’m relentlessly persistent and will figure it out…

    …after I’ve sucked it up and decided I can no longer put off creating a weekly baking schedule and menu plan.  Gina is a pro at this and posts it like clockwork. Impressive.

    But what about world peace you say?  Well, there has never been a time that I haven’t realized my freedom to have the quality of life I enjoy isn’t something to be taken for granted.  I know this.  I know there are people who haven’t had the opportunites I’ve had, or the health and food we enjoy.  I know there are people who have to deal with war every single day.  No, I can’t imagine.  The peace I enjoy is not something they understand…What did Cat Stevens sing about all those years ago?  Something about a Peace Train…

    **start copy**

    Join The Revolution
    Here are the rules and the story.
    (1) Copy this into a post (2) ADD YOUR NAME to the bottom of the tag list
    (3) Tag at as many people as you’d like.


    The Peace Globe project began in the fall of 2006 with a simple post from one blog, Mimi Writes. The post ignited a flame in the blogosphere. The flame became a passion. The passion became a movement. It amazingly traveled from blog to blog to blog across the globe. Bloggers wrote passionate articles on what peace means to them, along with the promise of three Latin words scribbled on a globe – Dona Nobis Pacem (Grant Us Peace) – branded with the integrity of their names or blog names. It was positively inspiring to watch. And it began to happen all over the world – from Singapore to China to Afghanistan to Brooklyn.

    It was simple. And powerful.
    In less than three weeks bloggers from all across the globe will blog for peace.
    We will speak with one voice. One subject. One day.
    Won’t you join us?
    November 6, 2008

    How To Get Your Peace Globe In 4 easy steps!

    1. Right CLICK and SAVE the peace globe below or choose from other designs here.
    2. Sign the globe using Paint, Photoshop or a similar graphics tool. Decorate the globe anyway you wish. You can even include the name of your blog. Click
    here for hundreds of inspiring examples from previous BlogBlasts.
    3. Return the peace globe to me via email ~ mimiwrites2005 at yahoo.com – Let me know your blog’s name and url by leaving a comment
    here and signing the Mr. Linky. Your submission will be numbered and dated in the official gallery . Your globe and post will be listed on the Official BlogBlast For Peace website and The Peace Globe Posts page.

    Here’s the most important part.
    4. On November 6, 2008 DISPLAY YOUR GLOBE IN A POST. Title your post “Dona Nobis Pacem”. This is important. The goal is for all blog post titles to say the same thing on the same day. Write about peace or simply fly your globe.


    Go HERE for the other 3 globe template choices!)


    If you’d like to help spread the word, take this button to your site. The code is in my sidebar.


    I, Mimi Queen of Memes, hereby royally tag the following…….

    (Before you copy this list on your blogs, ADD YOUR OWN NAME to the bottom of the list. )

    ………………………………………………………………………………………………YOUR NAME HERE.

    YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE TAGGED TO PLAY.

    Please passing this meme through the blogosphere. Peace + Power
    This is Mimi Pencil Skirt reporting from the lovely land of the Peace Globes.
    Memeing the Movement.

    **End Copy**

    I’m officially tagging (and I NEVER do this…) Scott, Gina, Jerry, Ben, Meleah, Ritzy, Francis, paisley, ladybanana, Phil, Mike who are all lovely people and will probably think, OMG, what is she doing?  By all means, consider yourself tagged if you’re in the mood.  Maybe even try to write a better post that I have about world peace…

  • Piggy Banks: I’ll bet Warren Buffet had one.

    Cute Piggy Bank If I remember correctly, my sister got a piggy bank for her fourth birthday.  She is the youngest in our family, so it’s never been quite clear as to why my younger brother and myself were passed up on the piggy gifting.  It was a cute little pig — fat-bellied and pink, just like she was when she was little.  She’s thin as a whip now (smart, too…) and no longer has her piggy bank (thanks to the bottom-dwelling loser who crawled through her bedroom window and broke it, stealing her money…), but I’m thinking that owning one while she was growing up must have put the idea of saving into her brain in a fierce kind of way.  By the time she was 20, she had a nice little nest egg in the bank, a flashy sports car, and her own condominium.

    Yes, she did.

    My brother and I have never been as thrilled as she has been to save money, and I’m thinking it’s because we didn’t have piggy banks.  You know, tainted at an early age?  Marked and doomed to be spend thrifts?  We must have thought that money grew on trees, or that we’d make excellent tax payers when we grew up.  You know, sort of simulate the economy single handedly?  I know Uncle Sam probably has a special place reserved for each of us some day…

    …AFTER we all survive the financial doom and gloom that continues to unfold before us all.

    I recently bought a very cute piggy for one of my nieces who turned two, thinking not only that it was the cutest thing I’d ever seen, but that maybe I could accomplish a few thing with my purchase (since I never bought one for my three sons or any of my nieces or nephews except the youngest…):I love this Piggy Bank

    1.  Say Happy Birthday to a real cutie pie (and give her the gift that will pay big rewards later in life…SAVINGS, a sense of self-worth, independence, moo-lah — wait, that would be a cow bank…)

    2.  Stimulate the economy by doing more than just clicking ads…(I’m extremely good at this…Ask me how to S.P.E.N.D.)

    3. Support the talented blogger, Lynn of Korff Ceramic Originals who makes these incredibly cute and well-made banks (plus a whole lot more…)

    4.  Out class those who are burying their savings in Folger’s coffee cans in their back yards (which is what my mother would have done if she still had a back yard to dig in…)

    Think about it.

    Piggy banks can be excellent for those of us well beyond toddlerhood, too, right?  It’s never too late to save.  They can be used for incentive:  money for every mile you run, or sit up you complete, or pound you lose. You can save loose change from the washer or your teen aged son’s bedroom floor — your husband’s pockets.  Set a goal and insert the coinage or paper.  It works.  Little by little.

    Hell, if I used one to deposit the money I saved for each glass of wine I didn’t drink, I’d have a nice little nest egg in about a week.  But I worry about the future of all those wineries I stimulate.

    Ask Warren Buffet.  He knows. I’ll bet he had a piggy bank when he was growing up, too. Think about it.  The holidays are around the corner, and Lynn personalizes…How cool is that?
    I’m thinking I just may need more piggy banks…Piggy Bank

  • 10 things from my brain today

    Random thoughts and observations after returning from my morning walk today (which is saying quite a bit considering I wasn’t thrilled with the idea to begin with…):

    1.  Holding my coffee cup under the drip as the coffee is brewing makes for an excellent rich roasty first cuppa in the morning.  The second?  It has to be what swill tastes like.

    2.  The kids in carpool this morning were mumbling about their plans for after school as usual, but “not being able to meet tonight because I’m going over to so-and-so’s house to watch the debate” surprised me.  From an 8th grader?  How cool is that?

    3.  The Clean Eating magazine I picked up at Whole Foods the last time I was there and filled my basket for much more than the $40 my son tells me is possible to spend, is something I shouldn’t be feeling snarky about.  I’m sure that their tag line of “Improving your life one meal at a time” doesn’t include butter or whole anything and that the recipe on the cover for Cheesecake Pears has far fewer calories than the Key Lime Cheesecake I just made.  *sigh*

    4.  The swill-tasting second cup is growing on me, because let’s face it.  It’s coffee, right?

    5.  Lots of people were out walking and jogging this morning and as I approached each person walking in the opposite direction, I looked up, got ready to make eye contact, and say, “Good Morning,” with a smile on my face.  Now you could argue that I’m full of shit or just plain phoney, but I’ve learned that I’m the one that gets the perks from it.  It makes me feel good.

    6.  Mostly women don’t return the eye contact or the greeting.  And I don’t think it’s because I look like some perky idiot.  I’m fairly reserved and pleasant about the whole thing.  The men respond.  They smile pleasantly whether they’re jogging, or on a bike, hell, even the guys setting up for their day’s work responded pleasantly.  What is up with women anyway?  How hard is it to be friendly?  Pretend, okay?

    7.  Is it just me, or does “LOW-FAT HOLIDAY MENUS” sound like an oxymoron?

    8.  I’m reading a piece by Frank McCourt in William Zinsser’s Inventing the Truth and he writes:

    “You were made conscious all the time, for instance, of how you had to prepare to go to confession.  You had to examine your conscience.  This was a form of introspection that was imposed on us.  But it was valuable.  It forced us to think, “Were we good?” or “Were we bad?” and to think about our various transgressions.  Before you went to the confession booth you would go over the seven deadly sins to see if there was one you ought to mention.  The one that always confused me was pride.  How could pride be a sin?  In America you hear, “Walk tall, be proud of your heritage.”  But we were taught that pride is what got Lucifer kicked out of heaven because he thought he was equal to God, if not greater.  You were supposed to think little of yourself.  Get rid of that evil.”

    Actually, demonstrated pride was totally smacked down in my family.  [Yes, it was.] Thinking about it now, it relates to the idea that perhaps we weren’t as good as others, so shouldn’t act as if we were.  We didn’t deserve anything and weren’t worth anything, so shouldn’t act as if we deserved more than what we had.  It sounds pretty awful writing it, and even more awful reading it back to myself now.  But yes, that just about sums it up.

    9.  I’d love a small, old house close to the beach.  *waiting for thunderbolt* Maybe that cute one I saw this morning with the shiny garage floor I’d totally trade in for the grungy carpeted floor in my house and the chic framed vintage travel poster hanging on the wall.  Or maybe the house with the walled patio topped with bright fuschia bougainvillas.  On second thought, maybe the one with the weathered flagstones leading up to the bright red front door and the large paned windows…Clearly, I’m over the not feeling like I deserve things.  I was never that good at it anyway.  Ever.

    10.    Must go iron hair.  Have to meet with contractor today about remodel that will most likely not happen now since no one is lending money to anybody, regardless of status as bonafide tax-paying stalwart American middle class “we can shoulder everything, so just stick it to us baby” diehards.

    Can’t quite figure out whom I should thank first:

    • all the realtors who talked people who couldn’t afford a house on a particular salary into that house and made off like bandits with their commissions;
    • purple kool-aid drinking I don’t feel sorry for you people who actually believed the crap they were fed; or
    • the mortgage company that approved the loans and then passed them off as soon as they could.

    Wait.  Perhaps Richard Fuld, the now defunct Lehman Brothers’ former CEO can front us.  Surely someone who made that much money while his company took a swirl down the drain has a dime to spare. Okay, so maybe a million dollar painting he doesn’t need anymore?  Just a drop in the bucket, doncha think?

  • Middle Aged Anomaly Tucks in Ass Each Morning

    I click “Write” on my WordPress dashboard, waiting for the spinning wheel that is my brain to slow knowing that it won’t and that focusing on a single stream of steady thought on any one idea will seem impossible.

    No, be impossible.

    In 20 minute’s time, I’ve gone from thinking about working out a recipe for apple cinnamon nut ice cream, to worrying about the huge bowl of bread dough I have fermenting in the fridge, then mulling over tonight’s debate between Palin and Biden before reading through most of this Slate article and being completely distracted by a list linked inside that article. Or maybe it was somewhere else on the page…can’t remember.

    I don’t normally spend my time reading these types of articles, but once in a while, one will catch my eye because the writing is good and it actually feels as if there’s a person behind that writing. Quite a concept, yes?  Aspects of it will get me thinking, of course, and the entire time, somewhere hovering above it all (at least today) are Natalie Goldberg’s words about writers I scanned over this morning in the bathroom:

    Writers live twice.  They go along with their regular life, are as fast as anyone in the grocery store, crossing the street, getting dressed for work in the morning.  But there’s another part of them that they have been training.  The one that lives everything a second time.  That sits down and sees their life again and goes over it.  Looks at the texture and details.

    Okay, so Natalie, I haven’t been “training” because that would imply that this living twice business is something I choose to do.  You don’t choose it.  “It” chooses you.  For example, not only have I thought about what I’ve described just now, but I’ve thought about it many times since, and am now thinking about it again.  And yet again when revising this paragraph.  Still thinking…

    I do this all day long.

    It’s like watching myself live my life and even though it’s odd, it provides me quite a bit of time to think about how and why I do what I do.  As much as I can say there’s a soothing (insane) aspect to it, unfortunately it doesn’t lend itself to improving my productivity.  Bills are sitting in front of me, there are quite a few piles of recipes I’ve torn from magazines ready to be recycled sitting in the middle of my family room floor (where they’ve migrated after being on the kitchen counter for several days), and I need to get off my derrier to go for a walk today.

    But I’ve arrived at the conclusion that the bloggosphere can be quite the brutal place — at times, what I imagine it would feel like to go through a carwash without my car, each spray of water or rotating brush pushing me first one way, and then another and never quite making it to the end.

    I’m tired of it but have no one to blame but myself.  I think much of it stems from the fact that who I am and what I have to say here doesn’t exactly fit anywhere.  This conclusion isn’t earth-shattering, nor is it meant to be accompanied by a whine. I don’t whine.  I have been known to climb up on a soapbox and metaphorically flip the world the bird, however — just not as much as I used to.

    *sigh*

    I am a middle-aged woman.  That I enjoy who I am at this particular point in my life doesn’t really change the fact that I’m somewhat of an oddity in the Bloggosphere.  Sometimes, it’s overwhelming to be surrounded by twenty and thirty somethings with toddlers, techies with jargon I never completely understand, snarling, snarking political junkies, celeb gossip mongers, and the increasingly less than attractive you-too-can-make-money-at-home crowd.

    I’m an anomaly.  And I guess that’s the most annoying part of this since I always have been, so why should my persona here be less so?  One would think I’d get used to being reminded that I’ve always been a square peg.

    I have no stories to tell about my toddlers, my Satanical boss, my commute, my gigabytes, and there is no way in hell I could ever sit down here and try to be funny every freaking day because people want a cheap laugh.  But I’m also not going to wallow in the bathos of my life (liar, liar, pants on fire…), lamenting about mistakes and missed opportunities. No, really.

    What I will do is continue to look in the mirror each day, and after taking more than the normal minute or so to scan my body and realize it doesn’t exactly look like it used to even five years ago, suck in my stomach, tuck in my ass, smile and know that I am me.  Still.

    Sounds like a warning, doesn’t it?

    Heh.

  • You, too can enjoy life past 30

    Today is my birthday.  And as much as I can say that many women my age choose not to admit their age, I’m proud of mine.

    I’m 52 years old.  Not 52 years young, or 52 years better.  It doesn’t need to be made into something other than what it is.

    Fifty-two.

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    The year I was born, The Platters recorded “The Great Pretender,” Elvis made it to U.S. hit charts for the first time, and Doris Day’s serenade of “Que Sera, Sera” let all who listened know that the future was not for us to decide.

    I beg to differ.

    Carousel was playing in theaters, and The Edge of Night could be seen on television.  Jackson Pollock died in a car crash, Eisenhower was re-elected President, and IBM invented the “Hard Disk Drive.”

    Not that long ago, but at the same time, several lifetimes ago.

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    I have fond memories of growing up in the latter years of that decade and the earliest of the next, but would love to forget many of the years following, until high school was nearly half over.  Yes, there were good things about those years, but I’d never live them again if given the opportunity.

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    Um, no thanks.

    I’ve learned quite a bit in all this time, so indulge me, and I’ll give you the short version:

      1. Be an optimist.  It’s more efficient.  But Murphy does exist, so if you acknowledge that and prepare yourself, things actually work out.
      2. Really bad things can happen to you and you will get over them, but may always struggle to find even a thread of patience with those who insist upon wallowing in self pity.  Try anyway.
      3. You can find beauty in just about anything with little or no effort.  People who can’t see it aren’t looking close enough.

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      1. Be generous with yourself.  It makes no sense to wait around for someone else to do it.
      2. Absolutely nothing horrible happens when you leave dishes in the sink at night, or your bed unmade in the morning.
      3. Acknowledge and work on your own shortcomings and you’ll be so busy you won’t have time to criticize others for theirs.
      4. It is more than possible to enjoy your own kids as teenagers.  I’ve done it three times, and wouldn’t trade those years for toddlerhood if you paid me.
      5. Life is too short to eat packaged food made with highly processed ingredients.  Learn how to cook with fresh ingredients.  Yes, you have time.  You’re welcome.

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    1. The concept of Family is not something to be taken lightly.  A bottle of wine can help.
    2. Quiet times during the day are the best, even if they’re only five minutes long and in a dark closet.
    3. It isn’t possible to watch Pride and Prejudice too many times no matter how much my son rolls his eyes.
    4. It’s important to pay attention to what’s going on in the world.  It doesn’t always make sense, but ignoring it makes even less sense.
    5. Good friends are priceless.
    6. Deep and lasting love is about Learning, Appreciation, and Compromise.  Being silly frequently doesn’t hurt, either. 
    7. It is more than possible to appreciate the way your body looks, even though it’s rounder and more soft than it used to be, and lined and marked where it used to be smooth.  Well, mine is.

    So, Happy 52nd Birthday to me!  Since most of the Bloggosphere seems to be made up of twenty and thirty somethings with very young children and who often write about aging, I hope this helps you know that life is good after 39 — in fact, better.  It’s all about attitude.

    And and occasional masque using French clay and lots of moisturizer.

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  • You’re so over the Italy stuff, right?

    Trenitalia Alta Velocita

    The train ride to Florence was easy.  There were no delays, the air conditioning was refreshing, and it actually seemed as if we were really skimming along at 300 km/hr, leaving cars on the autostrade in the dust, which is saying quite a bit.  We were able to look out the windows the entire time, unlike our first trip, when a man sitting across from the boys yanked the shade down without the slightest acknowledgment that three others were sitting at the same table. Okay.

    Small towns appeared along the way, their terra cotta roofs clustered on hill tops in the distance.  Fields of sunflowers stretched away from us one after the other, but their heads pointed down and away, revealing only a yellow fringe in the midday sun.  I wondered if I’d have the chance to drive through that countryside some day to explore those towns.

    From the moment we arrived at Stazione Santa Maria Novella, it was different.  The area inside the walls of Florence is traffic controlled, allowing only those with a special permit the opportunity to enter.  Yes, there was traffic, but far less.  And absolutely, we had to be wary crossing streets, but not as if we were taking our lives in our hands each time we did.  The streets seemed more organized, neater.  Less frenetic.  And… not quite as intriguing as Rome, nor as quaint as Sorrento.

    (more…)

  • Our Italian Saga Continues

    Vicolo Equense ?The unpleasantness of being in Naples wore off as soon as we were settled on the boat that would take us to Sorrento. Maybe it was the deep blue of the sea, or the cool breeze that refreshed our sweaty bodies.  Or Vesuvius, looming in the distance, reminding us of all those history lessons delivered so long ago and so far from here.  Pompeii…Herculaneum… Pompeii

    But it could also have been the tall, thin as a willow whip blonde that walked up the gangplank with the assistance of the crew right ahead of us who bore an uncanny resemblance to Diana.  The Diana.  Her hair was short, and she was dressed in a leather mini skirt and strapless bodice.  Her four-inch heels drew everyone’s attention, and we waited to see if she could balance herself on the boat as well as she could on cobblestones.  Most of the crew exchanged knowing looks, but one took it upon himself to sit next to her as we made our way across the Bay of Naples.
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    At first, she had chosen to settle in on the first deck in the cushy seats, but after we’d all dragged our luggage up the tiny stairs and flopped into seats where we’d get a good view in the open air, she emerged upstairs.  And as much as there were only a few passengers, and therefore, many open seats everywhere, she decided to sit in the row directly in front of us.

    We must have appeared to have been harmless, or uninterested in young women wearing black leather.

    I soon figured out I was on the wrong side of the boat to snap my next 500 photos and moved, with the MoH following.  We kept an eye on the boys and the woman as she sort of avoided, but not with any true energy, making conversation with the forward crew member.  He eventually gave up on her and disappeared downstairs.

    At some point in a strong British accent, she turned to the boys, and with a cigarette posed between two fingers, asked if either of them had a light.  You just don’t know how hilarious that is considering that not only does neither smoke, but that they wouldn’t expect anyone to think they did.  Well, that anyone like her would ask anyone like them anything.  Ever.  Their raised eyebrows and quick glance at one another after she turned around told it all.

    Marina Piccola, SorrentoWhen we stepped onto the dock in Sorrento, she was already getting into what we thought was her mother’s car, because we realized at some point, that she wasn’t quite 20.  Goodness. Nothing like a bit of intrigue to take one’s mind off travel weary doldrums.

    Marina Grande Officially, we were rested and ready to enjoy a small town where streets close to traffic in the evening so everyone can walk and shop, sit in cafes and watch passersby, or eat well into the evening.  We did all of that, and crowded into groups clustered around televisions in bars here and there to watch Roger Federer lose to Rafael Nadal at Wimbledon.  It was like a huge street party.

    In a walled garden setting lined with lemon trees and dotted with impatiens, we enjoyed pasta, seafood, lovely wine, and dessert at ‘o Parrucchiano “La Favorita,” a restaurant housed in an old building and credited with inventing cannoli.  Who knew?  The wait staff was ridiculously tolerant of our horrible attempts at Italian, and the setting a perfect place to relax after an extremely long day.  Even the cat that wandered through the tables and brushed against our legs added to the perfect evening. And yes, I fed the cat. Incorrigible. Marina Grande at Night

    I now know that Sorrento was my favorite place on our vacation.  We never took the bus to Positano or Amalfi, nor did we take one of the ferries we constanly saw headed to the island of Capri.  But I have no regrets because we wouldn’t have been able to enjoy what was right in front of us:  balmy weather, delicious food, hospitable people, the Hotel del Mare, and a clear, warm sea to swim in. Private Beaches in Sorrento

    Although everyone seems crazed to spend time in Venice or Tuscany when they travel to Italy, Sorrento is a place to be considered.  I know I’d go back so I could stroll through the quiet streets without an agenda of any kind and let time take its course, but maybe in the Fall, when others are back to work, and the idea of other places to go and things to see don’t exist. Sunset from Hotel del Mare

    Yes, I’d go back to Sorrento.
    Relaxing on the Rooftop