kellementology

life according to me

Category: Smiling

  • Funny how things work out…

    Ahhhhh…the glories of working with enormous corporations that have us all by the short hairs. I’ve been scratching my head today, truly wondering what the hell is going on. Wondering whether someone put a whammy on me, or if my stars aren’t lined up correctly, or my horrorscope was not great today.

    Or is it just that as much as giant companies like to project that they provide customer service, and are smiling, helpful, and just love us to death, that they’re just full of horse shit.

    For TWO DAYS I have been trying to purchase a new phone for the MoH. Actually, today would be the third. It was to have been a Valentine’s Day present to help him with organization. I’ve been looking at the PDA’s and thinking that the Palm Treo 700wx Smartphone would be just the ticket. He’d have wireless access when clients don’t and his laptop is then not a help. Sounds great, right?

    Day One: I ventured to the mall and the Verizon kiosk and asked the young lady if she could help me. (Quite the switch from the normal situation where I have to dodge the salesperson who wants to sell me a phone each time I walk by every other time I’ve happened by in the past…) She clearly hadn’t been working there long, so had to rely upon a young man who was also there. I should have known better. It was my car pool pick up day, and I never, ever thought it would take as long as it did to attempt to purchase a phone. Just call me Pollyanna.

    Really.

    So I needed the MoH’s social security number. Sure. That would be something I carry around. I don’t even carry mine around. Not a great idea in this day and age. So I did call the office to get it and things began to move along until we came to another roadblock. If the PDA was purchased and activated, his cell would no longer work. Picture being at a client’s and not being able to access anyone or anything and not know why. Not quite a Valentine, right? So…

    I’d purchase the PDA, and then I’d go back after Valentine’s Day to have it activated, yadda, yadda, yadda.

    They didn’t have the Treo I wanted in stock. Coincidentally, however, an associate (why do they call them that?) was soon to arrive and he would have one. Could I please wait?

    (more…)

  • A Valentine

    Just thought I’d let you know how much you matter. Really.

    So thanks for reading and consider me your valentine.

    Well, just in case you don’t have one. Here's your Valentine

    Or, if you DO have one and “it” didn’t give you a Valentine…

    …tell it to snap out of it for me and remind it that a Valentine can be as simple as:

    • a three carat diamond hug; or
    • as sweet as two dozen long stemmed roses a clean toilet bowl;
    • a cruise around the world trip to the trash can with the day’s garbage, or
    • a tender I love you “Can you get me another beer, babe?”  Erm…well, that wouldn’t exactly work, would it?

    Whatever rocks your boat.

    It’s the thought that counts. And if you actually believe anyone who says it really doesn’t matter, I’ve got prime rain forest property here in Paradise anytime you want it.

    It always matters.

    So that’s why I made you a Valentine with the bonus of a free lecture for no extra cost.

  • Fridays & The Path to Wisdom

    OH-EM-GEE (as the RTR would say) OMG!

    It’s FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes! And I have so much to feel giddy about I fear it will bowl me over. Or something like that.

    The sun is up, the air is bracing (well, I think it is, but I’m not sure because I only cracked the door enough to let Her Fatissima out for her morning constitutional). But you know, cold. Like 48 degrees F. Bwhahahaha! Er…I mean Brrrrrrrrr….!

    My first cuppa coffee was swell so I think I’ll have another.

    As of this writing, Dubyah will only be in office for 347 days, 1 hour, 38 minutes and 56 seconds according to the countdown clock on my monitor.

    American Idol will FINALLY be starting the good shows next week — and I can’t wait — instead of all the up close and personal stuff we forget after all the tweeners start calling and choosing their next heart throb with big hair and the shadow of a mustache not quite ready to be shaved.

    Marcos, my colorist did not fire me as feared. I just got the usual lecture about needing for my hair to be lighter so my roots won’t show when they, well…show. Duh.

    And Dan, the cutter man pretty much cut most of my hairs off. It grows, yanno?Dan the Hair Man gave me a buzz job.

    I’m almost ready for the soiree I’m hosting tomorrow night featuring lip smackin’ Greek-Turkish-Moroccan cuisine prepared by myself and my VBF to celebrate the birthdays of two very dear friends (VGF and She Who Has No Blog Acronym) Oh. And their husbands. 😉

    (more…)

  • The Fat Lady is Singing

     Sorry for the inconvenience, but if you’d like to comment, please click on the post title…I’m in the process of changing themes…

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe I heard the fat lady sing tonight. You know. Right when Bill and his Patriots lost.

    Such a bummer. Trick.

    Even more of a bummer because the MoH was in the running for quite the payout from his suicide football pool for the season.

    I sort of told him that he needed to pay attention to the whole karma thing.

    But it was a tad difficult since those of us in Paradise don’t think too much of Eli Manning and his superior attitude.

    Maybe the outcome was just the lesser of two evils.

    Like I said.

    Cheaters never prosper, Bill.

    I did notice he changed his sweatshirt, though.

    I say it was a bad move on his part to wear that red thing.

    Early celebration of game and all.

    Okay, so next sports stop is March Madness.

    I can’t wait.

    Not.

  • Target Smiles

    Remember to click the post title if you’re wordy today…

    You know you’re in San Diego when your favorite Target has already stocked the big sale area where they display the fake Christmas trees with patio furniture, brightly colored canvas pillows, bug candles, and all things garden. Trowel, anyone? Perhaps the latest in cheap outdoor party lighting?

    After a squashing the beginnings of annoyance similar to that of what I feel when I see Christmas decorations in October, I roll on with very little purpose in mind. I venture to Target to waste time and frequently spend money, somewhat like it’s a sport. It makes me happy.

    Well, until I see the beach towels. Jeez. Will somebody give us a break here?

    We’re trying to have a winter, and it’s going better than it normally does. You know, with rain and angry looking clouds more than once every eight weeks or so. Some wind thrown in for good measure.

    Acting like Spring is in the Air

    Hell, one of the palm trees across the street actually lost one of its fronds in the last “storm.” The wind wasn’t strong enough to actually knock it from the tree, so it hung there, limply, for an entire day until the garden crew came to put it out of its misery.

    Someone in the ass-ociation must have complained about its unsightliness.

    (more…)

  • I found a way to post. Yes!

    We made it to Tahoe, and clearly, I’ve found a computer.  Do I get points for that? I should.  But I can’t be rude and sit here talking to you (as much as I’d like to.)  We’re planning our time here.  There are lovely things to do.  If only I could afford it.

    You should see the water.  It’s seriously blue.  B-L-U-E.  And I was right.  It’s not much colder than our lovely cove.  Except I don’t think there’s much to see in this lake.  It’s pretty deep.

    Thanks to those of you who checked in.  I’ve already taken a zillion photos.  I am always amazed at this country and its landscape.  It’s staggeringly beautiful.  The sky has been lovely, and I wonder about people who at one point set their stakes down in the middle of nowhere to dig for gold.  Amazing.

    More later.  Don’t hold your breath.

  • Curling Up with Old Movie Stars

    When I cook, if no one else is at home, I like to watch movies I’ve seen before. Usually, it’s a movie I’ve seen so many times, I only have to look up on the very best parts; when the music swells, or a dissonant chord lets me know that something important is going to happen. Now, these movies are more current, and popped in with a DVD that I choose from my “feel good” collection of sappy chic films. You know, the kind that you grin through, sigh about, and avoid telling your friends you really like? Like Sleepless in Seattle, Notting Hill, or Cousins with Isabella Rossellini. But the real films I long to see are the ones I spent my adolescence watching on our first color TV. Hilarious when you think about it, because most of these old movies were in black and white. Cable shopping channels, and craft shows were nonexistent, so local channels ran old movies. In the summertime, or late at night and on weekends, I could watch one movie after the other in blissful, non-thinking, oblivion. I could fry my impressionable young self on Esther Williams, who was my authority on smiling under water, or holding breath even longer than Houdini, or Rock the Hunk Hudson and Humphrey Bogart. They’re more difficult to find these days, though. If I took the time in my not so busy life, I could check the guides for Turner Classic Movies or American Movie Classics and maybe I’d get lucky. But I don’t. I rot my brain with this blog now, instead.

    Unfortunately, these two movie channels, although continuing to show “classic” films, also show… ahem…classics like Conan the Barbarian, Halloween, and Basic Instinct. Huh? Oh, I get it. Someone in ratings land thinks thirty-somethings wax prolifically for films like this to re-live the great days of their adolescence. Sharon Stone’s shadowy nether regions? Classic? Uh…Nope.

    What I want to watch are those glorious black and white movies that that loser Ted Turner colorized thinking he could dupe those less fortunate from a younger generation into watching. It’s sort of an “oooh — look at the pretty colors” concept instead of think about the films themselves, because, well, it’s all about making money, right? He should have been arrested for that.

    The really good films are ones you just want to curl up in bed with on a cloudy day. They’re even too good to cook by, because although you’ve seen them what seems like a million times, you don’t want to miss anything. Films like The Ghost and Mrs. Muir, the most haunting love story you’ll ever see. Or Alfred Hitchcock’s Rear Window — yes that creepy guy is really Raymond Burr, the old Perry Mason and can you believe how great Grace Kelly and James Stewart are together? I never could see what that whole go to Monaco and marry that prince guy was all about. Any movie with that hunky Cary Grant, and especially North by Northwest, the ultimate twisting chase movie, is worth watching. Or The Philadelphia Story, or Laura. Does anyone even know who Gene Tierney is anymore? You should have seen her in Leave her to Heaven. Or any and all of the Frank Capra films — especially if Carole Lombard was in them.

    Who? I know. You’ve never heard of her. This is Carol Lombard with Jimmy Stewart who were both in another fabulous film, Made for Each Other.

    I’m not sure about why I’ve always had this love affair with movies in general, but old films and movie stars in particular. Maybe it’s the result of spending about five years of my early childhood living without television. We went to the movies instead. Watching all those gorgeous people on that huge screen was the ultimate fairyland for a little girl who wanted to be as gorgeous as Audrey Hepburn was in Roman Holiday, sing like there was no tomorrow, and clack across an enormous stage just like Fred and Ginger.

    Life just looked so grand. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t dance by myself like that in our living room.