I’ve been a subscriber of FarStellar on Substack for about four months now. I stumbled across a post of hers–Emi is her name–and it caught my attention because it challenged me to think about something I’d taken for granted in a new way.
Before I get too involved here, it’s important to explain that although I am not someone who knows much about astrology, I have always been curious about it. I remember my mother read her horoscope every day right before bedtime. She explained that she wanted to see whether her day had been reflected in whatever it had predicted. I’ve always thought that was… odd.
Outside of an occasional glance at my own horoscope when I came across it in one of the magazines I subscribed to in my younger years, I’ve only really known that I’m a Virgo which stereotypically means I’m highly critical. An over thinker. Perfectionistic. Loyal. And that’s just for starters. Some of those characteristics are exactly right, and others, not so much. I had no idea about what a moon sign or rising sign might be and how those factor in.
Fast forward many years to the age of smart phones filled with apps we seem unable to be without. I discovered one called Co-Star. I’ll credit that for teaching me more about what I didn’t know. Natal charts, houses, nodes… all foreign to me before, now less so. Still, outside of being more curious about it, I only read what shows up on my screen each day, sometimes fascinated by how uncannily accurate it can be, and at other times, completely flummoxed at how unrelated it is to anything I’m thinking about or doing at the time. It can be so abstract it’s humorous.
For example, yesterday I was supposed to “DO”: Nu Metal (not even curious enough to google that), Headbang (I missed out on the first round of that so maybe this is a cue to try it out?), and JNCO jeans (which I might google because curious… Can I headbang to Nu Metal in those jeans and is this something someone my age should look into?) Thank goodness for metaphor. The main message of the day, “You are ready for new problems” is absolutely not something I want to see, let alone tackle. There has to be an expiration date on the idea that I can elbow my way into something that is FUBAR and sort it all out. No.
Just no.
I think it was April that I came across this post on FarStellar’s substack. By the time I’d read the first paragraph, I was intrigued. By the end of the second paragraph, I realized this was very different from anything I’d read before.
“We have been reading Sun signs like personality descriptions for so long that we forgot what they actually are. Horoscope columns hand you a paragraph that tells you you are passionate, or practical, or complicated, or whatever word they picked that week, followed by something about Mercury and your love life, and you read it on the toilet and forget it by lunch. And somehow that has become what most people think astrology is, which is a bit like reading the back cover of a book and deciding you have already understood it.“
Psychology is woven throughout all of what she writes. It’s absolutely fascinating. Sometimes, the information is on the complex side for my level of understanding, but it has encouraged me to search for understanding. Often I will read a post again after I’ve let it sit for a while after the first read. Her posts stay with me long after I’ve read them and have written down whatever reflections I have as a result.
In her weekly Sunday Ritual of this past July 11, she reminds us that on August 12, there will be a solar eclipse in Leo at 20 degrees and that 2018 was the last time there was a solar eclipse in Leo in August. Instantly I remembered what I was doing eight years ago next month: my husband and I were getting ready to take a three week long trip to England. Oddly, that is exactly what we are getting ready to do this year.
Our trip will take place earlier this year than it did in 2018, but that isn’t the point. Our trip then was to spend a week in three different areas to consider buying property there so we could start a business. This year’s trip is to celebrate a milestone birthday, but more importantly, it’s to see whether we’re interested in being away from home for a much longer period of time. Not moving there permanently, or starting a business, but traveling all over Europe. To us, it feels like it could be now or never.
This morning, I pulled up the photos I took in August of 2018. It’s a hodgepodge of flowers in bloom at the time, our dearly departed dog and cat, beach walks, a dinner with good friends, and a photo of the cover of an oracle deck I had just bought. A friend had recommended I tune in to a woman who was of a spiritual nature. She used tarot cards and oracle decks. Although I knew what tarot cards were, I’d never heard of oracle cards. After much perusing, I purchased a deck out of curiosity.
As I continued to flip through my photos, I found one of my first attempt at pulling oracle cards. Glancing at them didn’t tell me anything because I’m not very knowledgeable about them. I use the material that accompanies them and try to make meaning of the cards based on that. What’s important is I remembered I started a journal for the oracle cards and yes, I was able to find it yesterday and open it to that first time using them.
“Friday, August 10, 2018
How can I realize my true self as a writer?”
I pulled four cards, then two more for clarity. From the various cards I took the following notes:
*Let go of old habits and things I no longer need.
Let passions about things I can’t change die. Avoid drama. Be prepared, be flexible.
Feeling out of sorts with my own character flaws. Radical self-acceptance needed. Change thinking. Make peace and choose another way.
Set my own intention. Become the paintbrush!
Be a conscious creator!
Cultivate inner stillness.
Avoid falling back into controlling patterns.
Take a few breaths and allow things to happen.
At that time in 2018, outside of the upcoming trip, I had gotten back into the manuscript of a novel I’d written a few years earlier. I’d received some feedback that was off-putting and although I made use of some of it to revise my manuscript, I found much of it reminiscent of what a high school English teacher might write in the margins of an assigned paper she didn’t like my point of view on. If you’re a writer, I’m sure you’ve had this experience and understand that it can be more than disheartening. It completely altered my motivation. Although I occasionally open the manuscript and have made significant revisions, it currently sits in limbo on my Mac.
So where is this all going?
The uncanny parallels of the eclipse dates Emi mentioned in the most recent post linked above are significant to me. I have had so many of life’s curve balls–significant ones– thrown at me in the past seven years I have struggled to get my writing motivation back to what it once was. This isn’t about sending that manuscript off with a query letter. This is about having dedicated time to write that isn’t pushed aside because of a routine that I no longer want a part of, or a responsibility I take on that perhaps someone else can handle. I don’t always need to fix everything.
So last night, in the fading light of our dining room, I sat here, writing. I skipped dinner completely. I didn’t participate in making it, and I didn’t eat. I wasn’t hungry. I took notice of how I felt while I was not involved in something I’ve done for decades no matter how busy my life was at various points. It seems ridiculous writing it but it’s even more ridiculous that I have had to give myself permission to choose not to do something that I seem not to need consistently.
I’ve been thinking about how to begin simplifying my life as I approach another milestone birthday. How to make gardening in my enormous yard easier. How to be more efficient at the things that have to be done to maximize what I’d like to spend my time doing. How to fit all that I enjoy into a single day. How to not want to fit everything into a single day.
Emi says:
“What has this retrograde been showing you? Which bond turned out to be real, and which one have you been gripping out of habit? And what are you choosing to hold onto from here.”
Look back up at the list of things I wrote in my journal eight years ago. I put an asterisk next to the first one. All this time later, and I’m still trying to decide — but it isn’t about writing, is it? It’s about being me all along. Skipping dinner is a step in the right direction. Like an iceberg, there’s much more to that one piece than there appears to be.
More on that later.
Thank you for reading kellementology. I truly appreciate it. I also appreciate it when you take time to think about what I write and how it might relate to you. Share your thoughts in the comments! And if you’re interested, follow me on Substack.
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